How the once mighty have fallen...

Now, what is the goal that dictates your life.
And does that eventual goal in any way limit you ?

Hard question, no doubt, but a very interesting one.

Sometimes i wonder if goals are getting so important to people because it gives them the chance to NOT think about other unpleasant things.

I myself always strive forwards i my own way. Because i know that stagnation is not an option, as it only leads to degeneration and decline. Call it restlessness if you will, i do not mind. But there is always a price to pay.
So, is the price worth it? I really do not know, and since i know no other way i am probably as clueless as you are.

Da svedanja !

??

How come it is always find myself here when my mind is spinning ?
How come it is always in the face of paranoia ?

As i feel the precence of that old enemy of mine, i just wish i could be gone, away, somewhere else. Someplace empty, someplace tranquil, someplace comforting, someplace warm.

Now this litany is relieving, but is it not releasing..there seems to be none as far as i can see. Being in a state of....void? No, the antis without the pros? No, not really. Just a slip in time and space, a crack in my perception of the world. A long stare at the sight of time passing by reneltlessly in an utterly alien world gone mad. Is this to be? Was this an omen or a flashback? So many questions that race, so much broken communications. The cost of rebellion is indeed high, the scars run as my ramblings goes ever on without getting to the point. Because the ultimate question is really: is there a point at all.

I am not trying to be deep, quite opposite. The more you try to define things with words, the more they slip away and become...banal.
And this is where we all fail.
And i failed utterly here.

Yours sincerely.

Krantz

It have been official for a while, but i have not had the heart to think or write about it, but here it comes. Isabell Krantz have left Dalen for a two year contract with Pixbo :(

I wish her all the luck in the world there (except in the matches against Dalen of course ;) )

Hope to see you in Dalen later !

Hon väljer att gå till Pixbo
Player profile

Update 27th of May: She have not signed a 2 year contract, but a 1+1...so she maaaay be back next year. I certainly hope so :)

Lärm - Up to You

"Smoke, get cancer.
Drink, destroy your brains.
One night stands, get herpes.
Straight edge, die in a car accident.
It`s up to you what you choose.
But i don`t want to be a slave"

Evening reflections

So, here i am again. As always things have not gone my way lately, so instead of crying my heart out here i will try another tactic. You see, dear reader, i was thinking this weekend. I was at a party, i does not matter where or with whom, i suddenly had an insight. It was not a revelation of any sort, it was more like i silently surrendered (to use a word much to dramatical) to the fact that i was transparent. I just did not exist in their world. Their world was so alien to me that just my body was there (barely). I did not feel excluded, i was excluding myself. Big difference. All the things and thoughts i have fed to myself for all these hazy years have left me incapable to communicate in a meaningful way. I do not belong to any world, because i always searched for something that does not exist...but it is not until now that i have realised it. Maybe it was like this during my abusive years? I do not know and it does not matter now anyway.

So, where does my rambling lead? Well, i thirst for a "normal" life....but it always slips out of my grasp. My youth is finally catching up with me. Ground zero is here, please take a seat and watch life go by.

At least in the beginning of May, in Umeå, after work and after midnight.
From me to you, i wish you well and thank you for reading all this.