What to say, what to do?

"The dream had to end
The wish never came true
And the girl
Starts to sing"

(The Cure - Seventeen Seconds)

Perhaps i should remove the last two posts you think?

But i stand for what i feel and think..for good and bad.

Now it is friday..and on sunday is the most important game of year for us. The judgement hour for us, if we want/going to stay in division 1. It seems that i have at last gotten rid of whatever that was infecting my body.
According to the coach i will be in 2 special teams (kick-off and kick-return)..i will do my very best to knock out the lights of everything that comes in my way !!!!!

Otherwise nothing have changed....one more week to work..then one week off. Working two weeks after that..then 3 weeks of. Going to watch soccer..and going home to look for work.

Wish me luck. I need it.

want

All i wanted was to disappear.

Statement.

How is wish, that yesterday never happend.

But when thinking back, i realize i was wrong.
I wish that the last two months never happened.

Because almost all that matters to me...have gone away.

But i know this; the old me is dead and gone. And he will never come back no matter what. I know that road now, and i know the price is much more than too high.

I NEVER take anything for granted, i MUST keep marching onwards...Now that i have lost hope, i just have to do without.

Well whatever...i will stop my whining here.

Have a nice day and i hope YOU had a good summer.

"Listen my friend,

as no one wanted to hear i´m telling you now.

So weak was my hope, so cold the world around,

so strong the calls." (Samael).

Right now, things are a bit heavy....and i do not have much to say. Some things demands a thousand words to be explained..otherwise it will not do .

In my sleep. In my dreams.

"I just rose up from blackest seas. My eyes were opened so widely. And it´s a shame to end this way. " (Lush)

Nothing much to tell, really. I am getting slowly better..and i am waiting to have vacation for a week. I need rest, and travel somewhere if i can. In late september i have vague plans for taking some real time off...i guess we will have to see what happens.

Well, you get the picture.

None what so ever

Today can be a good day, i have not slept this good for what seems like weeks. I could tell you why, but i chose not to..for time being. But it does not contain chemical substances ( btw, i hate drugs/pills in all forms..even if they are for headaches only). It has more to to do with mental relief than anything else.

I only hope it continues this way..but jaded as i am, i have not expectations at all. I have learned the hard way not to take anything for granted. I do not want to be a cynic, but it is hard to not think that way. I have to work on that.

If things had been as normal, i would have been in Tyresö now playing football...but that was not to be. But 3 more games to play before the season is over.

Now i have got to get breakfast..i am starving! That is actually a good sign, mind you...at least for me.

Hopefully, can start looking forward now..so perhaps there will be more action here in the future.

No rest for the wicked..and no rest for me.

To put it short, almost everything have gone downhill since last time. No motivation...i am always tired.

I was at Storsjöyran last weekend..best thing that have happened me the last half year. Met up with old friends. Something happened that made me feel...alive again. If i may be so melodramatic..haha. But seriously..it was really nice. It felt really depressing going home again. Working on monday was really, really, REALLY a challenge. But what to do? Just keep on toiling, and looking forward to going home this autumn.